Today is Edgar Allan Poe’s birthday. I have always appreciated his work, especially his poem Dream-Land. In fact, I related to it so much that I have “Haunted by ill angels only” tattooed on the back of my neck. At the time, I had spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it was I was meant to do with my life, and I knew that I would have to go on some unknown adventures on my own. Eighteen was a strange turning point in my life.
I got this particular line tattooed on my neck because, for a long time, everything that was good was tinged with something bad that had happened. I wanted to appreciate all the good while acknowledging that bad things happen and that I could overcome them. I wanted to eventually appreciate that these things had happened. I know that is vague but hopefully understandable.
I still love my tattoo even though my life has drastically changed since I was eighteen. Now, I am not as lonely, but my path is still obscure. The ill angels are not as cruel as they used to be, but they are still there.
I get told a lot “Look where you came from and where you are now”, in a sense, I think this represents what I meant when I got this tattoo. Look what happened, the good and the bad, and see what it is now. My tattoo is a little faded these days. I think I am going to leave it as it. I am not ready to renew the ink in my ill angels.
Today was an eventful day at the 2018 Boston Writing Workshops. I have never attended a workshop related to writing even though I am sure there have been plenty near me since I moved to Massachusetts. I must have inherently known they come here, I think that in the past I have been too closed off to consider even looking them up. Well, not anymore, since my new policy is to do what makes me happy. I now know that writing workshops do, indeed, fit the bill.
I think my fear was that the event would be pretentious. It wasn’t, not one bit. It was laid back, everyone was nice, and the workshops were an hour chock full of encouraging words and insightful questions. I am very glad I attended, and I hope to participate more when I go next time.
Yes, yes – the introvert didn’t just magically go away after 29 years of trying. However, I do feel that I am opening up more in my daily life. The Boston Writing Workshop gave me the opportunity to learn more about a craft I love. I also got to see that there are people in the area that care about writing as well.
One takeaway I had from today is that maybe I shouldn’t discount the possibility of pitching my novel to an agent eventually. There are a lot of nuts and bolts that comes with publishing a book and I really need to explore all my options. Since I will be participating in the 100 Day Book Challenge the second draft of my book, which will be a lot of rewriting, the dream of pitching a book might not be as far away as it seems to be.
I also learned some wisdom today about writing Sci-fi/fantasy. The meaning, and reasons behind the sci-fi/fantasy comes in the second draft. I have been consistently struggling with the meaning and reasoning behind my novel. I will keep fiddling around and see what happens.
Also, someone called me Ma’am today. No, please. Don’t.
Exactly sixty-one days ago, I started changing the pieces of my life that I was not satisfied with at the time. I couldn’t understand why I was not feeling happy, even though I started a fantastic job in February that I love. I already had a personal trainer that I was seeing, so I was already trying to fix one problem. I had just started school again to get a certification in Project Management, which my job happily pays for because they want to cultivate their talent base.
Trying to evaluate, I knew it wasn’t my job causing the discomfort. I have been praised by leaders in my company because I am doing a great job, I am becoming respected as a young woman making a career for herself. I work in health insurance, organizing programs and grants that help people get access to better quality health care. I am happy, finally, with the work portion of my life. But there was still a nagging in the back of my mind that I could not stop. I think my previous position made me unhappy, helping mask my other issues. One of which is my health.
I realized that my own health was not up to par with what I wanted. I THOUGHT I was doing something about it with multiple days cardio and the personal trainer. One major problem that I have experienced in my life is back pain. Although I was working hard, I always took ten steps back when I had a major flare up. Then I did not ever get back on track. I also have very little self-control when it comes to food, which didn’t help when I was stressed over a flare up.
At the time, sixty-one day ago, I did not realize that cardio was one of the factors contributing to my back pain. Cardio was supposed to be good for me, help me lose weight and prevent my back pain. Then my personal trainer told me that weights were the way to go, therefore, I went. Why not? Pain sucks. Thus, one part of my life changed. Weights have not caused my back pain to come back. I thought the pain was a result of just being me, I didn’t reconcile that it was me doing it to myself since the repetitive motions were difficult on my sensitive spine. Cardio is great, but it is not great for me.
At the same time, I experienced a cosmic shift in my thoughts about my eating habits. Needing control, I started tracking everything in MyFitnessPal. According to my records, I have lost 18.2 pounds in sixty-one days. I will continue to do this, since it works for me, and in spite of being told my way of dieting would not work for others. It might not. However, I am not intuitive, therefore, I need control.
So, I’ve gotten on a dirt path with my weight training and healthy eating habits. I like being school and just made a perfect score on my first of four classes.
There is just one last missing piece: writing.
A few years ago, I wrote the entire first draft of a book. It’s not awful, I’ve recently been told. But now I need to touch it up, make it sing, and make myself happy doing it. So, I printed it at Staples and had it bound with coil, so I could feel legit. This weekend, I am going to a writing conference, which is unrelated to editing my first draft, but this will also make me feel legit (especially with the business cards I am printing).
Last, but not least, somehow, I found myself listening to a webinar on “Better Book Ideas” through The Write Practice. This is one of those situations where I have been a long-time lurker, first time participant. I am now signed up for the 100 Day Book Challenge. I do like myself a good deadline and a goal, yes? Sounds like a great idea.
I am excited about this portion of my life. I keep saying I can’t wait to see myself in six months. I think it is a mantra. Maybe I will get it tattooed somewhere as a reminder. I am hoping everyone is right about making changes can drastically change one’s life. I need it.